Who would trust a rabbit with matches?

gay8:

there is a 42069% chance there is an immature joke hidden in this post

(Source: thisblogisnotgovernmentapproved, via hotboyproblems)

Notes
323137
Posted
14 hours ago

dramasbomin:

motherfuckingdragonsyo:

I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling

You are a beautiful person.

(via yerassisgrass)

Notes
172886
Posted
15 hours ago

poshxspice:

subject13fringe:

montypythonandtheholyblog:

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

image

today on satan makes a blog post

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

Notes
443059
Posted
16 hours ago

drinkinq:

do you ever just stare at your homework and cry

(via lindsaylohoean)

Notes
386042
Posted
16 hours ago
yeah-youtubers:

This sign is in my doctors office above the scale and I really love it. It actually made me feel a lot better after reading it

yeah-youtubers:

This sign is in my doctors office above the scale and I really love it. It actually made me feel a lot better after reading it

(via elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey)

Notes
101887
Posted
19 hours ago

cactsus:

my thick thighs and basic brown eyes will win over someone’s heart one day

(via lindsaylohoean)

Notes
280650
Posted
19 hours ago
pianopaint:

vociferousvic:

bloodberryandblazers:

How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life
This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
Wrong.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Guess who.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA

WHILE I SAY GOOD GOD ALEJANDRO AND YEY FOR PIZZA TRACKER: HOW BLOODY DARE YOU SAY IT’S A BAD IDEA TO DATE A BIPOLAR GIRL. NOT EVERY BIPOLAR IS A PSYCHO. YES, THIS GIRL WAS A BIT NOT OKAY AND SHE NEEDED SOME SERIOUS HELP BUT THAT’S JUST SO MEAN AND AWFUL. IM GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE BUT PLEASE DON’T SAY AWFUL THINGS LIKE THAT. SOMEONE WITH MILD BIPOLAR DISORDERS MIGHT BE REALLY HURT BY THAT.

pianopaint:

vociferousvic:

bloodberryandblazers:

How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life

This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life

I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:

ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.

I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.

Wrong.

One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.

Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.

Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.

The Pizza Tracker.

Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.

I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.

We had just entered stage 2: Prep.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.

By the end of my thought, the door swung open.

Guess who.

Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.

Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)

She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!

I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”

She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.

I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.

STAGE 4! BOX!

FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!

She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.

Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.

GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!

Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.

It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.

She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.

10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.

Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.

Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA

WHILE I SAY GOOD GOD ALEJANDRO AND YEY FOR PIZZA TRACKER: HOW BLOODY DARE YOU SAY IT’S A BAD IDEA TO DATE A BIPOLAR GIRL. NOT EVERY BIPOLAR IS A PSYCHO. YES, THIS GIRL WAS A BIT NOT OKAY AND SHE NEEDED SOME SERIOUS HELP BUT THAT’S JUST SO MEAN AND AWFUL. IM GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE BUT PLEASE DON’T SAY AWFUL THINGS LIKE THAT. SOMEONE WITH MILD BIPOLAR DISORDERS MIGHT BE REALLY HURT BY THAT.

(via 100kplusnotes)

Notes
201206
Posted
21 hours ago

Reblog if you think gay marriage should be legal.

someonesaveme420:

sunset-oracle:

takeflightlittlebird:

cccuunnnt:

the-legend-of-hetalia:

awindowtothewest:

the-queen-of-anchors:

HOLY FUCK THE NOTES.

image

HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THE NOTES

reblog EVERY TIME THIS IS ON YOUR DASH .

If you follow me and you don’t reblog this, we’re gonna have a little issue.

I will 500% judge you if you don’t Reblog

More people reblogged this than there are in my state??

Hey let’s do thisimage

REBLOG I TELL YOU

(Source: inthemidstofmonsters, via imsuchamessitslaughable)

Notes
12976026
Posted
22 hours ago

cloudy-dreamers:

Resting your head on the bus window, despite the vibrations causing mild concussion

(Source: cloudy-dreamers, via beyoncescock)

Notes
303061
Posted
22 hours ago
motherfxckingfox:

had-just-ten-hours-training:

timeladyoftheimpala:

thatgirlsara:

watermelon-pussy:

bohemian-rap-solo:

concernedresidentofbakerstreet:

sunknight1142:

t-e-a-o-r-c-o-f-f-e-e:

music-saved-a-life:

thefaultinournoodles:

clueing—for—loooks:

touchedbymisha:

mulder-itsme:

towritelesbiansonherarms:

redrumandlowselfesteem:

Please guys, help australian kids become aware of the perils of the interwebs

why not

you can add the carribean to your list now

Here is South Korea 

It’s in Singapore now


Made it to New Jersey, U.S 

U.K here

California, US

Illinois, ‘Murrica. 

Back to Australia!

Back to the UK

Canada eh?

minnesota

yorkshire, uk

Albany,  NY

motherfxckingfox:

had-just-ten-hours-training:

timeladyoftheimpala:

thatgirlsara:

watermelon-pussy:

bohemian-rap-solo:

concernedresidentofbakerstreet:

sunknight1142:

t-e-a-o-r-c-o-f-f-e-e:

music-saved-a-life:

thefaultinournoodles:

clueing—for—loooks:

touchedbymisha:

mulder-itsme:

towritelesbiansonherarms:

redrumandlowselfesteem:

Please guys, help australian kids become aware of the perils of the interwebs

why not

you can add the carribean to your list now

Here is South Korea 

It’s in Singapore now

Made it to New Jersey, U.S 

U.K here

California, US

Illinois, ‘Murrica. 

Back to Australia!

Back to the UK

Canada eh?

minnesota

yorkshire, uk

Albany, NY

(via jawnsmoosetache)

Notes
36410
Posted
22 hours ago
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